Day 7....How did that happen?
So at this point in time I am exactly 6 days, 14 hours , 56 minutes and 57 seconds sober. According to my I am Sober app.
1...2...3...4...5...6...7
7 (nearly) whole days of no hangovers and no anxiety about what I did whilst socialising with my old friend Vino. The week has gone past in a flash and I remember every single second, which is amazing. Shloer has become my new best friend, serve chilled in a wine glass and I could almost kid myself that it's wine. And for those watching their waistline, lets face it the majority of us vino lovers do - its normally extending, the light version is only 19 calories per 100ml! Win Win.
I have to admit when I decided to download "I am sober" onto my phone, it was terrifying. By downloading an app designed to help addicts; is that me admitting I am actually an alcoholic? I suppose it is. But rather than alcoholic, I think alcohol dependant is probably a better description. Either way if someone sees it on my phone, some people can be complete nosey buggers, I am sure they will jump to the conclusion that I sip wine out of mugs at 8am and spend Saturday nights sleeping on my door step. Is that not what an alcoholic does?
I did not drink every night. Quite often I would only drink 1-2 nights per week. But when I drank, I really drank. Not one bottle of wine either. And if there was something to celebrate, commiserate or I had just had a crappy day.....my favourite saying was the old adage "I need a drink". Bobs your uncle, I would be sloshing down a bottle on a Wednesday night.
This has made me think, what exactly is an alcoholic? According to the power of all knowledge, Google, an alcoholic is a person who suffers from alcoholism. Alcoholism is addiction to the consumption of an alcoholic drink. True. It doesn't say an alcoholic needs to drink every day. Or drink as soon as they wake up in the morning. An alcoholic depends on alcohol. Simple.
So if you "need" a drink then you are somewhere on the scale of alcoholism. Maybe everyone is somewhere on that scale. For me; the scale runs from teetotal to a raging alcoholic who only drinks, sleeps and repeats. The rest of us all fit in somewhere in between. Personally I was in the any excuse to have a drink and once I had started didn't stop till I was hammered section. But we are all different and all depend on alcohol to help us in different ways. Whether you need that bit of dutch courage at social events but end up 10 glasses down with your knickers in the air or you sit by yourself at home sipping away the self pity. We are all on the same scale, fighting the same fight, it is our reasons that are personal to us.
Excuses and justifications are an amazing ability in humans. It is quite astounding how we can convince ourselves that alcohol will either improve or eradicate a situation. Bad day at the office - have a drink. Finances out of control - have a drink. Just been dumped - have a drink. I am the ultimate justifier and that goes throughout life not just in regards to alcohol. I can find a reason or justification in pretty much any action of my own or someone else's. Even if said action is not a positive one. Having thought a bit about this, I have come to the conclusion that I just do not like confrontation or to meet challenges head on, so if I can justify something away I will. End of.
Vino I suppose was part of my justification. Issue or problem? Ah well just drown it. Deal with it later. If I don't look then I don't need to deal with it. If I am really lucky the issue might just disappear. More often than not the stress and pressure round whatever the "issue" was, would build and explode at the most inopportune moment, normally when I was emotionally fuelled by....you guessed it, Vino.
Alcohol has been part of my life for over 15 years, since the tender age of 16 when I started attending young farmers dances - underage. I remember the "pep talk" my gran gave me on my first outing - no more than 3 drinks. Thinking back now I have no idea what that was based on? I had never drank vodka, which was the drink of choice within the group I was socialising with. Plus by having that boundary put in place, only made me want to push it...come on I was a teenager starting to socialise like a grown up who wouldn't? So my first 2 attendances at "dances" were relatively positive, I stuck to my 3 drink limit and returned home tipsy but ok.
Dance 3 was a whole other ball game. Romance (well winching/kissing) was a major part of the young farmers social scene. So I arrive at dance 3 to meet my heart throb from dance 2, who promptly cops off with someone else. The 3 drink limit skips out the door, I have a number of vodkas running into double digits and become pretty much shitfaced. The long & short of the story is, I puke up on the way home in my dads brand new BMW who had kindly picked me up at 1am - I was not popular.
This was my first experience of not moderating my alcohol consumption and it has continued for nearly two decades. Some people are just all or nothing....and that is me.
Don't get me wrong I have a good marriage, loving family, successful business, wonderful daughter and a good life. We go on holidays, eat out and have hobbies. But there is a part of me I am just not happy with and I truly believe that is fuelled by alcohol. Every hangover, slurred word and stumble eats into my self confidence and enhances my anxiety. Today I do not feel alcohol adds anything to my life, only diminishes the good. It taints experiences and twists memories. They say to rid yourself of toxic people, I think I need to rid myself of toxic vino.
Pass me the Shloer, 100 days of AF living I am coming to get you.
Take Care
WM-NM
1...2...3...4...5...6...7
7 (nearly) whole days of no hangovers and no anxiety about what I did whilst socialising with my old friend Vino. The week has gone past in a flash and I remember every single second, which is amazing. Shloer has become my new best friend, serve chilled in a wine glass and I could almost kid myself that it's wine. And for those watching their waistline, lets face it the majority of us vino lovers do - its normally extending, the light version is only 19 calories per 100ml! Win Win.
I have to admit when I decided to download "I am sober" onto my phone, it was terrifying. By downloading an app designed to help addicts; is that me admitting I am actually an alcoholic? I suppose it is. But rather than alcoholic, I think alcohol dependant is probably a better description. Either way if someone sees it on my phone, some people can be complete nosey buggers, I am sure they will jump to the conclusion that I sip wine out of mugs at 8am and spend Saturday nights sleeping on my door step. Is that not what an alcoholic does?
I did not drink every night. Quite often I would only drink 1-2 nights per week. But when I drank, I really drank. Not one bottle of wine either. And if there was something to celebrate, commiserate or I had just had a crappy day.....my favourite saying was the old adage "I need a drink". Bobs your uncle, I would be sloshing down a bottle on a Wednesday night.
This has made me think, what exactly is an alcoholic? According to the power of all knowledge, Google, an alcoholic is a person who suffers from alcoholism. Alcoholism is addiction to the consumption of an alcoholic drink. True. It doesn't say an alcoholic needs to drink every day. Or drink as soon as they wake up in the morning. An alcoholic depends on alcohol. Simple.
So if you "need" a drink then you are somewhere on the scale of alcoholism. Maybe everyone is somewhere on that scale. For me; the scale runs from teetotal to a raging alcoholic who only drinks, sleeps and repeats. The rest of us all fit in somewhere in between. Personally I was in the any excuse to have a drink and once I had started didn't stop till I was hammered section. But we are all different and all depend on alcohol to help us in different ways. Whether you need that bit of dutch courage at social events but end up 10 glasses down with your knickers in the air or you sit by yourself at home sipping away the self pity. We are all on the same scale, fighting the same fight, it is our reasons that are personal to us.
Excuses and justifications are an amazing ability in humans. It is quite astounding how we can convince ourselves that alcohol will either improve or eradicate a situation. Bad day at the office - have a drink. Finances out of control - have a drink. Just been dumped - have a drink. I am the ultimate justifier and that goes throughout life not just in regards to alcohol. I can find a reason or justification in pretty much any action of my own or someone else's. Even if said action is not a positive one. Having thought a bit about this, I have come to the conclusion that I just do not like confrontation or to meet challenges head on, so if I can justify something away I will. End of.
Vino I suppose was part of my justification. Issue or problem? Ah well just drown it. Deal with it later. If I don't look then I don't need to deal with it. If I am really lucky the issue might just disappear. More often than not the stress and pressure round whatever the "issue" was, would build and explode at the most inopportune moment, normally when I was emotionally fuelled by....you guessed it, Vino.
Alcohol has been part of my life for over 15 years, since the tender age of 16 when I started attending young farmers dances - underage. I remember the "pep talk" my gran gave me on my first outing - no more than 3 drinks. Thinking back now I have no idea what that was based on? I had never drank vodka, which was the drink of choice within the group I was socialising with. Plus by having that boundary put in place, only made me want to push it...come on I was a teenager starting to socialise like a grown up who wouldn't? So my first 2 attendances at "dances" were relatively positive, I stuck to my 3 drink limit and returned home tipsy but ok.
Dance 3 was a whole other ball game. Romance (well winching/kissing) was a major part of the young farmers social scene. So I arrive at dance 3 to meet my heart throb from dance 2, who promptly cops off with someone else. The 3 drink limit skips out the door, I have a number of vodkas running into double digits and become pretty much shitfaced. The long & short of the story is, I puke up on the way home in my dads brand new BMW who had kindly picked me up at 1am - I was not popular.
This was my first experience of not moderating my alcohol consumption and it has continued for nearly two decades. Some people are just all or nothing....and that is me.
Don't get me wrong I have a good marriage, loving family, successful business, wonderful daughter and a good life. We go on holidays, eat out and have hobbies. But there is a part of me I am just not happy with and I truly believe that is fuelled by alcohol. Every hangover, slurred word and stumble eats into my self confidence and enhances my anxiety. Today I do not feel alcohol adds anything to my life, only diminishes the good. It taints experiences and twists memories. They say to rid yourself of toxic people, I think I need to rid myself of toxic vino.
Pass me the Shloer, 100 days of AF living I am coming to get you.
Take Care
WM-NM
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